Normally, when we go out to eat as a family, it is around 5 or 5:30-not 7. I tell you what, hardly anyone is at a restaurant during the week at 5 or 5:30, but by 7 the whole town is there. Pizza Hut was crazy. Of course, there was only 1 waiter to boot! Favorite scenario: crazy busy restaurant, 1 waiter, and 2 toddlers. Setting yourself up right there for a successful evening!
Luckily our kiddos were happy-even though they normally are in bed at 7 pm! They were hungry and restless, but that was to be expected since again, it was much later than normal for them. We grabbed some crackers from the salad bar to try and ease their starving bellies. It worked well. As I mentioned there were lots of other people in the restaurant. Lots of families. One particular family or group had several toddler aged children-my best guess would be that the ages ranged from about 10 months to about 3 years old. I believe there were 4-5 children that fell into that age category.
Now, we are a fairly regular eating out family. We also have 3 toddlers. I totally 100% get the frustration it is to eat out or rather, just try and eat a meal period-with toddlers. They are finicky, whiny, wiggly, loud, and typically would rather eat anything that what is before them-EVEN AT A RESTAURANT! They want to run around and take pit-stops at the table or just walk around with food. Mine prefer eating this way at home and about. Believe me when I say I understand being done with kids-that's why mine go to bed at 7! Bless those parents who can make it longer into the evening, but this momma CAN'T!
I have learned a lot about being a parent over the past almost 10 years. I have learned that most of your ideas and philosophies about parenting go out the window about day 2 of having a baby. All the books, classes, and well meant suggestions from others-typically end up on the back burner too. You have to figure out your parenting style and the parenting style that works best for each kiddo. Some are more challenging to figure out than others- and I also believe it is quite possible that maybe you just won't ever totally mesh with each kiddo, and THAT's OK! You just do the best you can, some days are good and some days aren't so much.
My dinner eating experience last night at Pizza Hut was an eye opening one for me. Throughout the hour duration of ordering, eating, and paying, the previously mentioned family was attempting to have dinner through the constant wailing of the youngest toddler. My guess is she was around 10 months of age. It appeared she was tired, hungry, and most definitely did not want to sit in her high chair. All typical behaviors for a child of this age-nonetheless extremely frustrating behaviors to have to deal with. Anyhow, the mom of this said child was frustrated-EXTREMELY frustrated. She was constantly yelling, threatening, and using harsh words towards this child.
I am not judging this mom. Rather, through the experience of listening to her reactions towards her little daughter I began to wonder if this is what I sound like to my children. It was hard to sit and listen to her yelling at the kid for the entire hour. Of course, all her attempts to make the child stop crying and standing up in her chair were futile. The little girl continued to stand up, dip her fingers in the sauces, cry, and mostly just not want to do what her mom was desperately hoping she would do.
I am a yeller. I yell at my kids. I don't have the patience I always thought I would have. Crying drives me insane. Having more than one child have a need at once is extremely overwhelming to me-and it happens all day long. I am not a perfect mother. Heck some days I am not even sure I am a good mother. Some days I really wish I didn't have to get up and face these 4 kids again. But, I do. I get out of bed. Some days I start out with patience and happiness and other's not so much.
I do try to be different. I try to be the "nice" mom. The non-yelling mom. Especially after listening to the mother last night in the restaurant, it really struck me as if I was listening to myself. I know that I am not trapped in this yelling mom body. I can change and I am working on it. The teacher of my parenting class taught that most of the problems we have in child-rearing are not from the children, but from us as parents. Think about that for a while. My kids behaviors don't necessarily change when I yell at them or if I don't yell at them. Yelling probably causes them to be sad-or maybe not. Like I said toddlers are a bit of an interesting breed! No I am sure it affects them negatively.
I have not totally found my niche in this crazy roller coaster ride of motherhood. I have a lot of imperfections to work on. I am working on it. Most importantly I Do Not Want to be the mother that I heard last night in Pizza Hut! Thankfully we have the power to change and to make positive choices that will help us to be better mother's and individuals. So I give a big shout out to the yelling mom in Pizza Hut! Thank you for helping me to be more motivated to overcome my yelling. Listening in that mirror was definitely motivating for me!
If it helps...awhile back, one of my daughters asked me what I would change (parenting-wise) if I could go back, I told my #1 would have been to make sure that I get a mom/daughter date with each one of them, by themselves, every month. She seemed surprised that that was my top, but it made her happy. My next? I said I wouldn't have yelled so much. She said I didn't need to worry about that...apparently, I remember my yelling more than they do. NOT saying they don't remember me being tough, cuz this momma doesn't change her mind because of crying/whining/etc....but it was sure nice that their memories of me is that I was there, not that I was a yelling freakazoid mom. You have happy kiddos. You're doing great.
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