| It was the start of another new year of school. This year was different. It was the first day of middle school. It was a day of eager anticipation, yet a fair amount of trepidation also. Little did I know that on that first day of middle school I would meet a girl that would help shape my thoughts on love and marriage. I guess, it wasn't really the girl, rather her parents. We must have had assigned lockers according to the alphabet. Her last name started with a "B" and mine with a "C" so we met, and ran into each other a lot! I remember going to her house for the first time. She was an only child-which was different, yet inviting. I am the 2nd oldest of 7, but at this time there were 6 children. I love my siblings, but always yearned for more peace and quiet. I was a typical bratty teenager, and having younger siblings was definitely a nuisance. I welcomed going to a home where their was only me and my friend-oh and her parents. I don't recall if she had told me prior to coming over for the first time that her dad was in a wheelchair or not. I don't even remember if our parents talked to each other beforehand. Maybe they already knew of each other and were comfortable with the hang out session we had planned. I don't really know. We both had good, involved parents, so I am sure that there must have been some kind of communication between them. I had seen people in wheelchairs around before, but I had never known anyone personally who was in one. Over the next several years I gained a great love for my friends parents and their unique relationship, as a result of her dad being in a wheelchair. I use the word unique to describe their relationship simply because I had not known anyone else in a wheelchair up to this point in my life. Initially I had lots questions about my friends dad. Was he always wheelchair bound? If not, when and how did he end up in a wheelchair? Were her parents married before or after the wheelchair was introduced to their life? Was there some sort of accident? Being taught that it isn't polite to pry into other's personal lives, I tried to be respectful and not ask questions. Quickly, my friend and I developed a strong friendship. We spent nearly every weekend together watching movies and drinking Pepsi! When you spend so much time at another's home you begin to watch and see how their family works. My friend, since she was an only child, had a special relationship with her parents. She was very close to them and they to her. I was impressed at my friend's mom. She was nearly always happy. She was a very hard worker. She ran an in-home day care and all the little kiddos loved her. She had a lot of responsibilities to fulfill each day. She was the only caregiver for her husband. When you are 12, that doesn't mean much to you, but as I have grown, I have gained an even greater respect for this wonderful woman. I learned over the years I spent in their home that my friends dad was involved in an accident. He was not always a quadrapalegic, rather became injured when he was 18 (if I remember correctly). There was a farming accident, a lot of time in the hospital, and he never recovered the use of his body from the neck down-well he did have some slight movement in his arms-enough to smoke. I always thought that was cool, not the smoking particularly, but rather the ability to. He had a special device to hold his cigarettes. It is amazing what are bodies can still allow us to do, even after such a traumatic injury! My friend's parents were very young at the time of the accident. I believe they were married or planning to be at the time it occurred. Again, not sure exactly on all the details-because you aren't supposed to pry, remember! I recall my friend saying that many people thought her mom would not stick by her dad's side after he was injured. She was young and beautiful and had her whole life ahead of her. If she chose to stay, her life would be hard-and full of challenges, accompanied with the work of caring for a handicapped husband. By the time I was introduced to this family, at least 13 years had passed since the accident. My friends parents were still married and from what I could tell they were happy! They did a lot of activities together. In fact, being in a wheelchair did not stop her dad from being involved with anything! I remember hearing stories of his friends strapping him, wheelchair, and all into the back of pick-up trucks to take him along with whatever adventure they were doing. Being in a wheelchair was probably an inconvenience, but it was not a cause for sitting at home and being depressed about life. Ted, my friend's dad, was always out and about. He was an athlete as a youth/teenager and loved to attend sporting events. My friend was also gifted in the athletic department, so you would find her dad sitting at the end of the gym, near a basketball hoop watching basketball and volleyball. He would cheer and hackle the refs with the best of them! He knew the rules and he also knew when they had made a bad call! He was a welcome and expected site at all the games! Shelli, my friend's mom, was loving and welcoming. She had the most beautiful yard! She had so many flowers-and they always looked radiant! Ted would be outside with her while she worked. That is one of the main things I remember-they were together. It didn't seem to matter what the activity was, they did it together! I had the privilege of traveling with my friend and her parents. They had a big black van. Her mom drove, and her dad rode in the middle-where most vans have captain seats. My friend and I would ride in the back. It was a great set-up! He was happy and enjoyed traveling. I remember traveling to Eugene Oregon to watch the Oregon Ducks play! It was a great trip. I never once witnessed my friends parents arguing, or grumbling about the challenges that I am sure came along with having a husband in a wheelchair, unable to care for themselves. I learned lots of things about life, love, and marriage from my friends parent's-Ted & Shelli. I learned that true love is not based on ones looks or physical abilities. If it were, their relationship would have been short lived. True love is not a matter of convenience. In fact, that may be a word that has no place in our vocabulary when we are discussing love and marriage. True love is about caring, sacrificing, serving, and giving 110% to help ensure your partners happiness-that most certainly is not convenient. I learned that we can be as happy as we choose to be. Although, I am pretty sure Ted would have preferred to not have had an accident that took away all his abilities to care for himself, to hug and be affectionate with his wife, to move about freely, to work, and to play-he still chose to be happy! He didn't let his limitations stop him from living a life and living it to the fullest of his abilities. I learned that we can do hard things. Things that people around us may not believe we can do. I often wonder, if Shelli ever thought she wouldn't be up to the task of caring for her husband? If she did, I never saw it! She is a wonderful example of living up to the challenges you are dealt. She accepted her new life, her changed life and went forward with a smile on her face and determination in her step. Sure, she didn't have the marriage others around her had-but in my opinion, she had a marriage far superior to most! I am forever grateful that I was able to be a part of this wonderful family. I am grateful to have been able to witness ,firsthand, true love at it's finest. I hope that I would be able to be like Shelli-if I was given the hand she was dealt at such a young age. I hope that I can show the kind of loving kindness to my husband that she did to hers. I hope to be able to remember Ted's positive outlook on life amidst my struggles and challenges. To implement his nothing can stop me attitude-some accommodation may be needed, but nothing is impossible! | |||
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